One of the lasting effects of my seven years of regular attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings has been the ability to live in an "attitude of gratitude". Many newly recovering alcoholics are very shaky in their first few meetings and listening to seasoned recovered addicts speak about what they are grateful for is incredibly helpful...at least it was for me...to this day when I am in a really bad place and someone asks me how I am I respond with ..."well, I'm not naked and I'm not in jail"...so right now I'm good. This always evokes a chuckle...but I do it to remind my self that there is always humor...and things could always be worse. This food thing I am doing here has brought me back to gratitude many times. I can't walk into my Crossfit Gym without feeling immense gratitude. The community I have become a part of is unpredictably amazing...I never really know where the conversations will go or how the WOD will play out but I can BE SURE that someone will say call me by name and say hello. There is something powerful about someone saying your name.(Sometimes you wanna go where every body knows your naaaame) It validates you somehow. When I was still teaching in the Concord School District I attended a conference and learned that a major strategy in improving student performance was to address your students by name outside the classroom. When you saw them in the hall say hello to them and include their name. This gesture creates a sense of belonging in the student which in turn connects them on an emotional level to their school community. This emotional connection will positively affect their desire to succeed...instilling a sense that they matter. This really resonated with me. My greatest strength as a teacher or a coach is my ability to connect with and motivate my students and athletes. Belonging to White Mountain Crossfit gives me this connection. I am on the receiving end of such personal support it is impossible not to feel gratitude.
Three specific things happened to me over the course of Monday and Tuesday that were profound because (as you have read) I have been a bit melancholy on many levels. They were all interactions with people I may or may not have known and they all involved a compliment. Now I know what you are thinking..a big giant ego stroke....and maybe that is part of it...but rather than make me walk around all full of myself I just felt grateful to be surrounded by people who would notice these things.
Compliment Number One happened Monday night at the 5:00 Crossfit Workout. I seldom go at night so I didn't know many folks there. The workout consisted of kettle bell swings and ring pull ups. The scaled version of a ring pull up is a ring row and I did not want to go to ring rows...so I stuck with the pull ups even though my "number" at the end of the WOD would be lower...(not MORE reps, BETTER reps) echoed in my head. (thank-you Jonathan Farwell). When the workout was over a woman came up to me and said, "I was watching you struggle through those ring pull ups and I am so impressed with how hard you tried and how you didn't give up. You inspired me the whole time" I was speechless, mainly because how I actually felt during the workout was like a Barbie Doll attempting to circumnavigate a GI Joe obstacle course...all weak and silly looking as my legs flailed wildly with each pull up. But what she saw was someone trying as hard as they could to do the workout. It wasn't lost on her and it inspired her. It made me feel pretty darned good and my feeble "thank-you" felt woefully inadequate. You see, I look really fit. I am naturally lean and muscular. I always have been....So I don't often get this kind of compliment from the less fit in the gym. It really meant a lot to me. I can still hear my Nike coach telling another coach, as I was about to start a race, that although I looked fit, I couldn't push over a marshmallow...I was extremely grateful for this compliment.
Compliment Number Two happened on Tuesday in a trendy boutique where I was trying on little dresses that I will never be able to afford. I was chatting with the store clerk and we got to talking about age and life and such... as I came out of the dressing room in this particularly perfect dress she commented on how good I looked. I thanked her and mumbled something about the dress accentuating my shape and she replied that no she meant how did I stay so fit and lean. Of course I talked about Crossfit until I saw her eyes glaze over and then returned to the dressing room...this one may have been all about ego but again...one year ago at this time I was 150 pounds and far more depressed than I am today. I wouldn't have even attempted this dress a year ago...I was grateful.
Compliment Number Three was back in the Crossfit Gym. I was working out with Lynn, a woman whom I admire greatly as a Crossfit athlete. She has amazing technique and makes many difficult lifts look incredibly easy and graceful. We were doing max pull-up sets and I had just jumped down and taken a seat next to her to rest. "You have a beautiful back".... I turned to look at her and she continued by saying that I had the kind of back that would be the picture for how you would want your back to look. Since my back is behind me I don't get to analyse it like I do my stomach (no picture perfect here thank-you age, gravity and children). I was surprised by the compliment...mostly because I was in that mid-workout daze but also because it was coming from someone I look up to as an athlete. Of course I thanked her and that compliment stayed with me throughout the whole workout. I will admit, upon later inspection, I do have a pretty awesome back...but that is just the luck of genetics for me...I am far from being the strongest female in the gym....but I would put my back right up there with the best of them. Again...I am so grateful to have this lifestyle and support system in my life.
I am grateful for Skye Butman...who introduced the existence of the White Mountain Crossfit to me. I am grateful for Robyn Grant....who called me on the phone shortly after I lost my job and willingly took my hand and led me out of the dark and then gave me a job and then inspired me to actually step into the gym. I am grateful for Jonathan Farwell and all of his "abuse" of me in the gym...I would be lost without it and I am grateful for Brad Newbury for being so excited when I joined and being so supportive every time I work out. I am grateful for Ian Butman and his "way to go Barb" from the squat rack as I sweat my way through some painful activity and the similar support from Craig. And of course there is "Team Talk", and Benny and Derrick and "Ponyboy" and Chan Chan and Alaka and Albee and Josh and Linda and Jen and dance Tom and on and on and on...I am just so grateful....
Oh..the food...the puepose of this whole blog... I am not yet grateful for this food business...I did okay today...not great...I relied on protein shakes and small pieces of left over meat. I had a quick omelet and some trail mix. I don't even think about what to reach for now but I haven't improved upon my meal planning one bit...so I will be grateful that I tossed the Honey Bun today. I don't need it there anymore, and it was out dated anyway...it hadn't been attempting it's sugary seduction for a while now so this was a bit anti-climactic...so today...on Day 13...lucky 13...I am grateful...
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