I woke up jittery..but ate my omelet and got the girls off to school. I went to The Mount for my usual 8:00am workout. On Friday's we squat....and I wanted to see if I could maintain my depth to parallel at heavier than 155....I was doing barbells4boobs later on and even though Grace is a tough workout I didn't want to let my routine fall by the wayside...I ended up squatting 5 reps at 165 with good depth...I then spent 30 minutes on mobility and went home.
I have had this goal...RXing "Grace"...a workout where you clean and jerk 95 pounds 30 times for time. I am not concerned with the time...I want to lift that 95 pound bar over my head 30 times....so I have been jittery for a month and today I felt like I used to feel before races. I ate some bananas, I had veggies, I drank a protein shake...I accomplished a bunch of school work...it was a good morning... but I was anxious and nervous...at 12:45 I strapped on my new pink sports top, my Barbells4Boobs tee-shirt and got my ass on down to White Mountain Crossfit. Robyn, Regina and Miss Joan were already there...they were doing it with me. The actual formal fundraiser is tomorrow...but per usual I have to time a race...once Robyn knew I couldn't go on Saturday she immediately offered to do it with me on Friday. That's the kind of friend she is...Miss Joan (Dance teacher...can't drop the Miss) and Regina (my other new bff) Robyn and I all put on pink ribbon tattoos and pink football paint beneath our eyes...bring it on.
I remember it now, hours after Jon's "3-2-1 Go!!" as a bit chaotic in my mind. I kept telling myself to relax...I tried to remember all of the little hints and cues we learn to maintain proper technique...I knew, after the first three, that I would get to 30...I also knew that it would take me a long time. The clean part of the lift felt really good. I was able to jump the off my hips and get under it...the jerk part of it eluded me somewhat and I remember thinking "holy crap I'm push pressing this...." A push press takes alot more arm work than a jerk...but I was way too scattered to figure it out. I was at 16 reps when I had to stop and walk away from the bar because I couldn't straighten out my arms...I had to re-try three times during the workout. (I didn't care. another three opportunities to have performed a clean...) I was pretty close to Robyn for a while...maybe 4 reps behind...but those last 5 took me long time...everyone else was done and in typical usual "this is how we do" Crossfit style everyone gathered around to cheer me through the last ones... I had to take a re-try on my 30th rep...couldn't straighten out my arms...but I did it...I got to 30, in 7:49...I had RX'd Grace...and then I cried...I wasn't going to share that part...later on in the Day Miss Joan asked Robyn if I was okay...she thought maybe I was hurt...you know physically hurt... but what Miss Joan doesn't know...and actually what most people in my life don't know is that in the days and weeks after I lost my job I couldn't leave the house without tremendous panic and anxiety. I needed and wanted to workout. I used to run one time around White's Park and call it a day not because I was tired but because running reminded me of coaching which reminded me of all I had lost. It made me so sad that I would cry...right there...as I ran around the park. I went to the Y and would piece together workouts there and that was a bit better, but I couldn't;t keep it up...
Finding Crossfit and having immediate (6 weeks of three times a week=20pounds and 11 inches lost) results was a life changer. I read the testimonials and many people in this amazing community have much more compelling stories than mine, but our pain is ours and how we deal with it through Crossfit is incredibly unique and similar all at the same time. I have cried about accomplishment before at Crossfit but it has been very private...as much as I can high jack a work out and make Jon use his Dad voice to quiet me down there are layers to me that are finally peeling away. This Grace experience was very public and I didn't want to fail. As an athlete I knew that I could do it, and I know Jon wouldn't have let me attempt it if he didn't think I could do it as well... but still...it is way outside my comfort zone...
Robyn was done her 30 days on Thursday so she and Miss Joan went out for Macaroni and Cheese. I have another day yet...so I went home to a protein shake and sauteed veggies and meat...today was a good day...and Grace will always be one of my favorite benchmark workouts...for a hundred million reasons...but mostly because it scared the hell out of me and I did it anyway....
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