So the "I can't eat anything bad" aspect of the last month of my life has been replaced with the "I don't want to eat anything bad" frame of mind. I ate really well on Sunday considering I had no food in the house and I could cheat and not have to feel badly about it...I mean really, mac and cheese and a pumpkin donut were it...well..and some beer...that is my next challenge...while I like the taste of a good pumpkin beer...(well...any good beer if we are being totally honest here) my body doesn't much like the after effects. Any woman of a certain age knows what I am talking about...unless I consume said beer at 4:00pm and have lots of food and water afterward I am UP ALL NIGHT... I totally get why old people go to restaurants at four o'clock for dinner...I am turning into one...cocktail hour for adults (read anyone over 30) is at 5:00pm...only college students, people in their twenties and people who work late (and thus can sleep late) drink at 10:00pm...nothing good comes of late night drinking....trust me on this one...and although the occasional holiday or celebratory event may include late night drinking, for the most part, it needs to occur early in order for meaningful sleep to take place...(why am I talking about this???) Oh yeah, the next challenge.
So it hasn't been lost on me that it was easier to say no to my daily Honey Bun than it was to say no to an overpriced beer...so my next challenge is to really be in the moment and ever present when I go out to eat. I don't drink at home...too much alcoholism in my family to promote regular use of alcohol as a choice for my daughters. I am pretty open with them around addiction and behaviors that are dangerous for our family. We all have allergies...so alcohol consumption and the prevalence of alcoholism on both sides of the family is an easy conversation to have when framed in the "what runs in our family" conversation. I used this logic with my health students too...rather than lecture them on the evils etc. I turned their attention back to them and their families so that they could make their own assumptions and assertions as to what they might be able to get away with. (So I know...drinking secretly is a tad hypocritical) but I will fall back on the "because I said so" logic of parenting in the 70's. "Do as I say not as I do" (and then do it secretly) seems successful thus far. I'm not teaching anymore so I don't have to address any hypocrisy there...although I got alot more flack from my students over the diet coke can on my desk than I ever did over my lectures on alcohol...funny...
Addiction is a funny thing...in the sense that we all deny it when it applies to us and quickly point it out when we see it in others. Then there are those people who look at your good habits and project their own insecurities on them by turning them into addictions. I get this with Crossfit sometimes, and I always got it from running..."You are obsessed with running".."I can't believe how addicted you are to running", You know you spend a lot of time at Crossfit when you could be doing other things", or my favorite, "Are you sure all this Crossfit is good for you?" No...I'm clueless... so that's why I go every day and work my butt off in the gym....duh...
There are people who worried about me because I was following a food challenge...and my blogs about it generated provocative conversations...human behavior is personal and emotional...what we look like, how fit we are or are not, what we eat...all of these things can be used to judge us...(and I find that people are their own worst critics) but I will say this...it does take a rather compulsive (or maybe obsessive, and perhaps somewhat of an addictive) personality to achieve greatness at anything. Yo Yo Ma is a gifted cellist...but he has to practice hours and hours a day to be as great as he is.
I was a good runner immediately...6th in New England after just 10 weeks on the track team... but I also worked really hard at practice...and trained like a fiend for all of the years I was a competitive runner. My athletic experiences, and my coaching experiences have helped me tremendously in life. Distance runners learn to live with pain...a 5K race isn't excruciating from start to finish...the early miles are okay if they are paced properly...but it is quite difficult at two miles to keep going...there is alot of self talk...running hurts...and the difference between the winner and the runner-up is typically which one can tolerate the pain best...this training has helped me deal with losing my job and it has helped me excel in the gym. I know how to hurt. As a survivor of child abuse I also know how to separate myself emotionally and mentally from my body. I am never surprised when I read a biography about a famous athlete and discover that they were abused, or neglected or suffered great tragedies as a child...we learn from our struggles...our addictions...our responses to life events.... we compartmentalize our lives and carry on...
I learned a ton from my eating challenge...so I will continue on with it...and it has inspired me to reflect a bit more deeply into other areas of my life that need attention...I can't say that it will be easy, or always fun, but it will be provocative and challenging...one day at a time:)
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